Toxic food, toxic people

by Jude on February 5, 2012

in Smart.Sexy.Paleo

I’ve had several posts on the go for a while now. None of them have felt right.

-          The great results of my latest Whole30 and why I’m finally ready to ride my own bike.

-          Why it shits me beyond measure when I see people refer to the Whole30 as a fad diet.

-          How I’ve gone with all of the changes that my new financial situation & travel plans have neccessitated.

-          The excellent books I’m currently reading – including the fantastic “The Gifts of Imperfection” by Brene Brown, for a new book club with Melissa “Melicious” Joulwan.

See, lots of positive stuff (apart from the rant about fad diets). I dunno, I just wasn’t feeling any of it. So I didn’t post a thing.

So this post is a little bit more emotional and personal, I suppose. Read between the lines, if you must.

One thing I’ve really discovered over the past few months is that once you’ve eliminated toxic food from your diet, reintroducing it makes you feel REALLY shit. In the beginning, you keep trying to see if you can tolerate it, because it has happy memories attached to it – but eventually, you realise that even a small dose can really fuck you up. You just eliminate it from your life and move on.

You didn’t really notice when you were eating loads of the bad stuff, you kinda just felt low-level-crap all the time. That was normal. But once you get rid of it, and get used to feeling good, you can really tell the difference.

Well, lately, I’ve realised that it’s the same with toxic people.  I have spent a lot of time taking a really hard look at myself, asking the tough questions and making sure that I am as honest and authentic as I can be. It is uncomfortable, but ultimately worth it. Dropping all the bullshit, just like dropping toxic foods is tough, but something I’ll never regret doing.

I am now highly allergic to these toxic people. Excuses, negativity, self-deception, passive-agressiveness.  I’m surrounded by it. It has started to physically hurt to be around these people.

This isn’t a judgement. I don’t think I’m better than them. We’re all at our own point in this crazy life. I would like to think that when they are ready, they’ll get uncomfortable and work through whatever they need to work through. Fuck knows that I have much to still work through.

A number of key relationships will not survive this year. I already know that. This is both terrifying and liberating. There are happy memories associated with these relationships and I don’t want to throw that away. But just like my one time beloved ice-cream, even small doses make me really unwell these days – and I’m done with feeling crap.

{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }

Pedro February 5, 2012 at 8:49 am

Thanks for this post.
I’ve had to make similar changes in my life over the years and struggled with the division of responsibility and level of judgement that’s involved in letting some people go.
Sometimes, the issues not them, and they’re not even ‘negative’, but when you and they combine, there’s a dull boring soup of history and behavior that’s really hard to change.
Transactional analysis has a good take on ‘us’ being the only thing we can change. It’s a good start, and we can get a long way changing patterns and mutual games, but it takes a lot of energy and work.
If we’ve hit a wall, I think it’s OK to not be able to change that right now.

For me, that leaves a door open to a different future with the same people, especially the ones with long histories, or those that are hard to escape (family).
Having the door open somehow makes it easier to be at rest with not walking through it.
I felt less judgmental than I’d usually be, but no less resolute.
Resolution is good.

Jude, what if you drafted a whole30 people-diet?
What a great way to start taking stock of the people and behaviors we allow into our lives.

What would a ‘people food label’ look like?

% of daily intake:
Emotional Index: ( speed with which emotions are effected )
Total Emotional Load:
Micro / macro nutrients: (knowledge, support, attitude, ..)
possible allergy risks: Toxicity as a personal allergen.

Some people are a tuna salad with leafy greens.
Some are a pile of reeces cups… you overdo them because they stimulate something short term, but you feel like rubbish afterwards. .. ( yet keep coming back)

Anyway, thanks.

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Jude February 24, 2012 at 7:59 am

This was such an awesome response. I wish I’d responded sooner – I’ve been thinking about this ever since reading it! It’s certainly helped guide my thinking on how I’ve approached people.

thank YOU!

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Melissa "Melicious" Joulwan February 5, 2012 at 9:30 am

Being true to you is always the right path. Good on you, lovely girl. You have a beautiful heart and that must be nurtured by others with the same.

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Ems February 5, 2012 at 9:31 am

i am done having to work with mostly women who backstab and blame others on a daily basis. I cant believe how toxic it is to work with people who are so unhappy. Yet its not their fault or reasponsibility to move on or do something different. While im not perfect i wonder why is it that i have to change or take ownership when it appears noone else seems to? Its draining exhausting and work is a vortex of bad energy. Anyways you arent the only one feeling toxic people….
Hope aside from that you are well…mwahs..x

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Anastasia February 5, 2012 at 7:26 pm

I’m not sure if it’s an age thing or a lifestyle thing but I definitely sympathise. Nowadays I have less and less time and tolerance for negativity in my life. And while others may find it easy to say: just let go of toxic people, it’s not always that easy when they are the ones closest to you. You will get through it, Judes. You owe it to yourself. xox

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Karen February 6, 2012 at 7:19 pm

Hi Jude, Just wanted to say that I love your blog and have enjoyed following your journey from IBO to Paleo. I am so glad you found Paleo and loved it and I hope it continues to give you the results you want. When we eat cleaner we tend to start cleaning up other things in our lives like too much work, toxic people, toxic routines and toxic environments we previously thought were normal. I am going through a similar stage and find it challenging at times. I am also super excited as I am probably moving to Canberra in 2013 when I finish university and knowing a Paleo community exsists is fantastic, we might be able to catch up one day. Keep up the great work. Cheers Kaz

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Jude February 24, 2012 at 8:00 am

Karen! Wow, you’ve been around for a while – you need to stop in and say hi more often!

Canberra is quite lovely and if you come here we’ll have to catch up.

Good luck with your challenges, like you say, kinda tough, but ultimately a really positive thing.

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